READ: Song of Songs 3
BACKGROUND: Song of Songs 3:6-11 describes part of the wedding of the two lovers. The King is smelling good, dressed up and coming for his bride on a beautiful carriage.
THINK: Weddings are a big deal, not just because they take months to plan, and it is one of the greatest celebrations of friends and family – but wedding are a big deal because 2 people become one. Who will be my spouse? That’s a BIG important question.
Perhaps you, like me, spent many of your high school and college years dreaming about the groom you would be walking down the aisle to. Maybe that’s your reality right now. I wasn’t as into thinking through the wedding details as I was into the details of the guy. I made a “MUST” list and included everything he had to be if I were to be his wife.
Looking back at this list now makes me laugh, and makes me grateful. There were really silly things on that list, one being “must like wearing baseball hats.” Really Kels? That’s just dumb. However, other things on the list said, “Must: love God more than me, have a heart that is willing to be convicted and change, make me laugh, accept some of my crazy standards about kissing…etc.”
My husband didn’t match up to everything on my list. He never wore baseball hats and he didn’t play guitar. But when I met him, he was in love with Jesus. I got to be in friendship with him before we had a romantic relationship and I saw him growing and changing to be more like Christ. He made me laugh and as we grew closer together he grew a deep respect for who I was and the convictions Christ had given me.
I prayed a LOT about this relationship (and still do!). I knew that marrying someone who was unlike me in my convictions and desire to follow Christ would pull me farther from my Savior – not closer to him. I knew that saying yes to this man was going to be a forever yes. No matter how difficult it might get, no matter what storms we would face or emotions we might feel – this was going to be my one and only – forever. I sought the counsel of God and of others about our relationship because I didn’t want to choose a spouse who would not point me to Jesus. I also wanted to make sure I was the person that he needed me to be – and that I would be a spouse who encouraged him in his walk with Christ.
There are lots of people in the world. And most of them won’t lead you toward Jesus. That is a harsh statement but it’s true. If you set high standards about purity, about boundaries, about openness …you won’t have a long list of people to choose from. I’m not telling you to make judgments on people who aren’t following Jesus, but I am telling you that you have to realize they aren’t best for you.
You need to know what you are looking for. If all you are looking for is someone who makes you feel good and you think is cute, you are going to find a lot of options – but they might not be the right ones. You need to have high standards, and be willing to wait on God to bring the right person into your life. You also need to be the right person for someone else.
There are lots of really big decisions we make in life – but here are the 2 biggest and most important. #1. Who will be my God? #2. Who will be my spouse? Put God first in your life – fall in love with him before anyone else. Then, when God allows you to pursue a romantic relationship, don’t settle for anyone who is not also in love with Jesus. A marriage of two faithful followers of Jesus is the best kind of marriage there is. You can bank on it!
PRAY: Thank God for who he is and the perfect love he gives us. Ask God to give you patience and clarity as you wait for a spouse who will lead you to a closer walk with Jesus. If you are married, ask God to help you build up and encourage your spouse.
RESOURCES: Some good books on the topic that I highly recommend.
–Passion and Purity by Eilsabeth Elliot. I’ve had both male and female friends benefit greatly from her thoughts on so wanting a marriage relationship but having to wait on it. A huge encouragement for longing hearts.
–The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn. Challenging read for both married and single people. Alcorn helps us understand that having ridiculous standards is worth it if we want purity in our lives and our marriages. And that that kind of purity is what we all truly want.
– By Kelsey Van Hemert